I SLEPT WITH TIGER WOODS! DID YOU?

OK. OK. I did not sleep with Woods...

But I could have made that assertion.

AND I could have run that by one of the [NOT INVOLVED] attorneys who KNOW everything related to Woods’ bad dream.

And/or any newspaper or broadcaster (all are tabloids when it comes to this salacious stuff), who have absolute first hand knowledge about everything related to Woods’ bad dream.

I might have received a cool $Million or more by now! At this writing, Barns feels a bit left out of the Tiger Woods bailout program.

I ask you all: how and why is this any of our business? Why are millions feeding at the media trough demanding to know? Why does Woods have any obligation to share his personal life with you and me?

Oh yes. Barns has been peppered with the right of FANS and CONSUMERS of Woods endorsed products to KNOW everything about Woods.

Arghhh... Perhaps Barns leads a remote life. He has yet to see anybody forced to buy a NIKE golf shirt, a Buick, get an AT&T account and so on. If that is still true, then how about all us fine consumers exercising our rights to buy what we want without our behavior being framed in context of Tiger sleeping around.

By the way, Barns for one is really not interested if Mrs. Woods used his 9 iron to drive him out of the house or extricate him from his wrecked SUV. Well, not beyond maybe sending the woman some flowers with a “you go girl” card.

Wait! According to all those VERY WELL INFORMED SOURCES, Mrs. Woods appears to have secured a rather meaningful paycheck as a result of whatever happened. If so, I will ask her to send me some flowers.

What Say You?

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EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES. AND PATHETIC THOSE ARE!!

Barns is appreciative and most respectful of Janet Napolitano's education, background and illustrious career. Her career... At least up to her most recent gig. However...

Barns has the genuine good fortune to have as best friends two men who by any measure are brilliant. "Cutting edge brilliant" is appropriate for both of them. Barns bows (symbolically) to their innate ability to absorb as much knowledge as they do and even more so to their demonstrated abilities for independent thinking.

Yet ...

When Barns has a toothache, he does not consult them. He goes to a dentist with whom, anesthetics permitting, he will likely discuss nothing beyond "headline news."

To wit, Janet Napolitano as secretary of DHS?

This is not a diss salvo at Mrs. Napolitano, although one needs to give her time to extricate her ill advised foot from her mouth often enough. She tends to stick her foot up her intellectual rectum with amazing frequency. My questions to all you bright Ctoaders:

1. What qualifications must the Secretary Of DHS have?

2. What qualifies Mrs. Napolitano for that nearly impossible job?

Arghhhhh. Barns would vote for a ham sandwich as Secretary Of DHS before voting for Napolitano.

What do YOU think?

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SOME FINE PROFILING, YOU ALL !!

It occurs that with a population of over 300 million, with UBIQUITOUS AND UNLIMITED STIMULI FROM ALL PERSPECTIVES, GOOD, BAD AND UGLY, 24/7/365, with just about all knowledge on the planet just “clicks” away, with so many among us who feel somehow disenfranchised, there are NOT MORE INCIDENTS OF WHACKOS GOING MURDEROUSLY BERSERK.

Perhaps there would be more but for the vigilance of the “authorities” and more importantly the populus belli.

Which begs the question: Often enough, those closest to the whackos often lament – after the fact – that he/she “has been troubled for a long time.” Long time and short time neighbors and co-workers typically express disbelief. That brings us to the incomprehensible, and but for the tragic outcome, truly ironic. If not pathetic.

A U. S. ARMY MAJOR, a physician – a shrink no less – trained by the ARMY, practicing medicine IN THE ARMY for a decade, a known malcontent and ARMY-MISANTHROPE, goes berserk and murders at least 13 people, while pledging his complete devotion to his God.

Call Barns a cynic, but ... If Barns were to not shave for a few days, put on his ARMY surplus jacket and be as tanned as he is often, you bet the farm he would get profiled and searched by the TSA at LAX. And you all know how righteous Barns is. What the hell, people!

Help me work thru all this, you all....

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Polanski to Enjoy Gstaad this winer ....

Is it Barns?

Anybody else repulsed by the latest move by the Swiss Justice Ministry to move Polanski to his $4.5 Million ski chalet in Gstaad while they are deciding wether to extradite him to Los Angeles to stand trial for the rape (under aggravated circumstances) of a 13 year old girl?

Question: have any of you been in Gstaad?

Question #2: if you have, did you see anybody there - other than the locals - who ever ask how much things cost?

No! Gstaad is lovely and is home to the most beautiful people on earth during the ski season.

And now to Roman Polanski.

Some people associated with this are morally bankrupt. Send the bastard back to L.A. County Jail while he is tried for that heinous rape. And then to State Prison if convicted. Or back to Gstaad, if he gets away with the brutal rape of a 13 year old girl.

If they will have him in Gstaad, feel free to assume that Barns will never step foot there again....

Oh.... Just the most ordinary of questions: If YOU or Barns for that matter, were a fugitive from California justice accused of aggravated rape of a 13 year old, how long do you think you and Barns would have lasted on Swiss soil?

Here is your answer.

Barns has been in Switzerland many times and has sufficient knowledge of the workings of the system of justice there. You and Barns would have lasted precisely one Patek Phillipe minute plus the time to transport us to Kloten Airport in Zurich.

Oh yes. Polanski was indicted on six felony counts, including rape by use of drugs, child molestation and sodomy, but he pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of unlawful sexual intercourse. What a guy and so talented too.

Arghhh. He is a good, no great director. Just give him another award and let the man enjoy the winter in Gstaad. P.S. Barns has NOT seen any Polanski movie since his arrest for the rape. And that was BEFORE Barns fathered his first child. A daughter.

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4,685 FUNERALS* and counting....

1,532 FUNERALS** and counting.....

*U.S. and coalition casualties in Iraq.

**U.S. and coalition casualties in Afghanistan.

No end in site for another decade??


- Barns